Strengths and Weaknesses
by Wolfsong's Rebel
Summary: Mac's having some inner conflicts with her feelings. Shippy, REVISED!!!


Strengths and Weaknesses  
  
Author: Just Puma this time.  
  
Summary: Mac's having some inter conflicts with her feelings. Shippy. First fic I wrote by myself plz. be nice.  
  
Feed back: Yes!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em just like to write about them. _________________________________________________  
  
JAG Headquarters Mac's office 5:00  
  
"Hey, Mac! Harriet just called and said that Bud would be able to walk on his prosthesis leg without any help in three weeks." Harm said, a bundle of excitement just like a kid at Christmas.  
  
"That's great Harm! I'm so happy for them." Mac said looking up from her paperwork.  
  
"Hardly seems like it was two months ago since it happened." Harm shuddered at the memories, "You up for some dinner tonight? My treat."  
  
"No thanks Harm, I've got to finish up all this paperwork by tomorrow morning." she said flipping through the pages.  
  
"Well if you change your mind I'll be at the pizza place around the corner, 8:00 sharp," he looked at her thoughtfully, "Don't stress yourself out too much. You need a break as much as the rest of us."  
  
Then he left. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Why does he always do this to me?! I'm going to go nuts! Stay calm Marine, stay calm it's nothing. You can't handle." She breathed heavily trying to control her thoughts; "It's no use! I can't fight it anymore, not since that day on the ship, during Bud's surgery. He helped me out then and really I should have been the one trying to comfort him. I wish I was brave enough to go with him tonight but... Oh it isn't fair! I shouldn't have to keep my barriers up around him, he's my best friend. I trust him with my life! I have been avoiding him, a lot lately. I'll go tonight, if not just for Harm, but to prove to myself that I'm not going nuts." she left the room, paperwork and all. ____________________________________________  
  
Pizza & Dancing Restaurant 8:00  
  
Mac arrived at the restaurant at exactly 8:00. She wasn't sure on what Harm would be wearing, but she wore a regular black shirt, kind of low cut, and blue jeans with black high-heeled sandals. The place was packed with all kinds of different people. Considering it was Friday night and happy hour, no wonder. People were dancing out on the dance floor or drinking and talking with friends at the bar. But Harm was no where to be found. She walked around the room hoping to spot him, but she didn't. "Where is he?" Suddenly she felt someone put their hands over her eyes.  
  
"Guess who?" It was Harm in a white muscle shirt, jeans and leather pilot jacket.  
  
"Hey! I was wondering if you was here or not.," she said relieved to see him.  
  
"I was in the little boys room. I'm glad you decided to come."  
  
"I thought I needed a break for awhile." she smiled at him.  
  
"Please join me, I'm over here at that table." he said leading her over to it and pulling her chair out for her. "I ordered a cheese pizza. I hope that is okay with you."  
  
"That's fine. Did you get anything to drink?" she asked.  
  
"I ordered two cokes." he said slyly.  
  
"Two? Why did you....Oh you figured I'd come." she caught on quickly.  
  
"I know you can never resist a pizza and coke with your best friend." he smiled at her and gently patted her hand. She didn't say anything just barely glanced at him then looked around the room. This was the first time they had been alone together since the accident.  
  
"Ah, here comes the pizza." he said," looks good, I'm starving."  
  
They talked about everything under the sun except what she really wanted to talk about. It seemed like every time she tried to, something made her stop. "We've been talking for an hour and I still can't bring myself to mention something." she was getting restless. "Hey how about a dance?" she asked interrupting him.  
  
"Sure, why not." he said a little confused. They walked out to the dance floor.  
  
"It feels good being in his arms, no it feels right." she thought to herself as she leaned in closer to him. "No. I can't think like that."  
  
"I wonder what's up with Mac? She's been acting very strange lately." Harm thought to himself as he gently breathed in the sweet smell of her hair. He caught out of the corner of his eye someone putting money in the jukebox. "Wonder what they're gonna play?"  
  
You were my strength when I was weak. You were my voice when I couldn't speak. You were my eyes when I couldn't see. You saw the best there was in me. You lifted me up when I couldn't reach. You gave me faith cause you believed. I'm everything I am, because you loved me.  
  
That song really struck Mac hard, almost to a point of breakdown. Never in her life did she hear a song that matched her thoughts exactly. It was unbearable for her. She knew she had to get out of there. Anymore and she'd go hysterical. Her heart was growing more rapid every second and she hoped Harm would not notice. Even with their closeness.  
  
"Can we leave, it's getting a little stuffy in here."  
  
"Sure. Where would you like to go?" Harm asked.  
  
"I don't care. Anywhere but here." she said. They left in Harm's SUV. She didn't say, but she knew that they were heading to Harm's apartment.  
  
"So where are you taking me, Flyboy?" she asked teasingly.  
  
"I thought we'd go to my place. That way you can tell me what's going on." he replied smiling.  
  
"What do you mean? There's nothing going on." she quickly told him.  
  
"I've known you too long, Mac. Trust me, there is something going on and I intend to found out what." he told her firmly but gently enough not to scare her. _________________________________________  
  
Harm's apartment 8:00  
  
The ride there was very silent, no one spoke. Mac didn't even try to say anything and Harm seemed content with that. "How'd I get myself into this?" she questioned herself. "This is what I wanted to talk about, all my thoughts and feelings over the last couple of weeks. But now I'm sure....should I? I have to. I can't stand it any longer."  
  
"Would you like some coffee?" his asked taking their coats and her purse and laying them in a chair.  
  
"Yes, please." she answered wryly. He gave her the cup and they both sat down on his couch. "Thank you. This place must seem a little empty since Sergei left?" she tried to make small talk to lighten her mood.  
  
"Yeah, it gets a little lonely sometimes, but it's not bad."  
  
"It must suck having your best friend blown up then your brother leave for Russia." There was long moment of silence.  
  
"You can start any time you're ready." Harm whispered in her ear.  
  
"The problem is Harm, I don't know where to start."  
  
"Pick a place, any place is fine. I just want to know what's wrong, that way I can help you through it." he put his arm around her shoulder.  
  
"I've just been feeling very.....guilty the last couple of weeks." Mac began, still not sure how to put her feelings into words.  
  
"Guilty? Guilty about what?" he asked.  
  
"That all this time you've been there for me when I needed you. You were always so strong, especially through this whole ordeal with Bud. Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful, very grateful, but I feel like you have ignored your own needs and feelings all because of me." she paused, "Is this making sense to you?" by this time she was up pacing back and forth.  
  
He looked at her for a long moment. Then lowed his head and laughed a little." What so funny?" she demanded.  
  
"You! What you're saying makes plenty of sense. You think I've been acting strong as so to make you feel better. When really you're the one who keeps me strong." he stood up beside her, "When Bud was on that ship, fighting for life, I felt no stronger than a child, but you know what?" she shook her head 'no', " you kept me strong. Just knowing you were there was plenty enough to keep me going. So stop feeling guilty and stop worrying that I'm going to go nuts." he lifted her chin with his finger," Okay?"  
  
"Okay." she barely whispered, "Thank you Harm, you always put my mind at ease." she hugged him tightly.  
  
"So now that that's over is there anything else you wanted to tell me?" Harm inquired.  
  
"No." she snapped.  
  
"Yeah, well I think you're lying." he joked.  
  
"Now why would I be lying? What would there be left to discuss?" she answered aware of their close proximity.  
  
"About this." he whispered as he leaned down to kiss her. She ducked away from him.  
  
"Harm, I don't think...." she started, now almost crying.  
  
"We can't keep kidding ourselves Mac. We know what we feel and the secrets can't stay hidden forever." she didn't look at him. He just stood there battling her tears. "Why won't you admit it, is it because of Mic or because of pride." Mac shot him an angry look." Mac, Sarah, I know what you went through with him was rough, but I also know that's not the reason you won't drop your guard." he stood there waiting for an answer.  
  
She turned around and faced him. She gasped for air, he was so irresistible standing there like that. It was so enchanting. His face held a concerned look of almost sorrow. "You're right. I guess.....I guess the reason I won't act on my feelings is because I think that if I do it will make me weak. You do know me, Harm, I'm a Marine. Marines aren't supposed to be weak. But I realize I'm also human. I'm scared that what happened with me and Mic will happen to us." her voice was cracking and her tears were flowing down her cheeks.  
  
"Hey, hey, come here." he grabbed her in his arms," Listen, when the world is through I will still love you, Sarah. You've touched my heart in ways that words could never explain. So how about we stop this little game and start something new?" he asked pulling her away from him.  
  
She wiped her eyes clear and smiled, "I'd like that, a lot." Then he kissed her, a long, deep, over due kiss. 


End file.
